i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
