if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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