Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
