I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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