The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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