Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
