Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
