She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
