You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
