Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
