she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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