you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
