i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
