you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
