idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
