my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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