she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
