So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize