umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
