My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
