i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize