you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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