Whod you bang
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
