ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
