In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
