oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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