Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
