why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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