You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
