he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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