i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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