i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
