I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
