in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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