its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
