thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
