how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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