You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
