Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
