I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
