I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
