fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
