remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
