There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
