Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
