Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
