WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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