wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pants are for mortals
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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