At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I died a long time ago.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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