Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
