I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I've blown a few things in my day
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
