In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
