Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's the barista slut.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
