To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
