did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
