Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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