If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how does that bad decision feel?
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