Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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