I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
