I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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