I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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