so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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