dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and she was petting her beer can
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
