Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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