Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
