I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
