That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i've created a new STD.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
