I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
