Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
