If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
