and you said cock pushups were impossible
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
