i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
