I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
