I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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