Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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