clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
