I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
